


Sotto dura Staggion

by cutthroatpixie



Series: Yuuri Week 2017 [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Day 1, Depression, Gen, Metaphorical use of seasons, Theme: Seasons, Tiny Yuuri being a cutie and killing us all, Yuuri Week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-06 00:43:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11589504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutthroatpixie/pseuds/cutthroatpixie
Summary: We rise and we fall and we rise again, just as the earth blooms and dies and blooms again.





	Sotto dura Staggion

_in spring we are born_

“Alright parents, it’s time to leave your kids be. I promise I’ll return them in roughly the same condition they came here in.” Yuuri watched as parents, including his own, started to drift off out of the ballet studio at Minako’s words.

“That’s a lie,” Mari told him. “She might not return you at _all_.”

Yuuri gave his sister a questioning look. Mari told him a lot of stories about ghosts and ghouls and monsters that ate up little brothers for not helping out their big sisters with the laundry, but he was pretty sure Minako wasn’t one of them. “But she always returned you just fine?”

Before Mari could respond, Minako clapped from the front of the room to get their attention. “Time to go, Mari! Unless you want to stay for class?”

Mari stuck her tongue out at Minako and rushed off after their parents, who were already patiently waiting outside for her. “I did my time! Have fun, Yuuri.”

Yuuri waved goodbye and the class began. They warmed up, stretching and listening as Minako explained that today was just to see what they could already do. Technique correction would come later (Yuuri already knew that, having been witness to many a complaint from Mari during her brief time in one of Minako’s classes).

Little legs and arms immediately began to flail around as Minako finished their warm up and went straight into demonstrating the basic positions. “Try and follow me,” she told them, her legs crossing and uncrossing, her arms moving her head and out to the side and down to her waist as she smoothly transition from first to second to third to fourth to fifth and back to first.

Yuuri had seen Minako dance before, many times in his short life, had been a party to some impromptu dance sessions back at the onsen, had watched Mari attempt to practice at home before she got bored and went off to play outside. He knew what the correct posture looked like, he just needed to figure out how it felt.

A boy to Yuuri’s left was grumbling about something while a girl and her cousin lost track of what they were doing and started spinning one another around instead to his right, but Yuuri took no notice of them.

Yuuri’s palm was sweating where he gripped the barre. He tried to watch his feet, watch Minako’s feet, watch himself in the mirror, but he soon tuned that all out as well, his focus entirely on feeling the movements, on hoping they were correct, on first, second, third, fourth, fifth…

“You can stop now, Yuuri.”

Startled, Yuuri’s hand slipped from barre and he was only saved from losing his balance by a gentle hand on his back. “You don’t _have_ to,” Minako continued, amusement clear in her voice. “But it is time for a break.”

Yuuri hesitated. “You’ll have plenty of time to practice, don’t worry. I can already tell you’re going to last longer than the month your sister did.”

\---

_in summer we thrive_

Getting silver, and then gold at year later, at Nationals hadn’t been enough.

Gold at Four Continents hadn’t been enough.

And despite what Phichit said, winning a beer pong championship at the local university definitely wasn’t enough for Yuuri to think he’d truly reached his end goal.

“You’re kicking ass left and right, Yuuri. Give yourself some credit.” Phichit held up one of his hamsters, pressing him right against Yuuri’s cheek. “Donut thinks you’re the best skater ever, don’t let down your biggest fan!”

“Donut has never seen me skate.”

“That’s only because Celestino won’t let me bring the hamsters to the rink! It’s unfair, really, making them miss out on their idol.”

Yuuri didn’t think anyone, even a hamster, would actually consider him their idol. Phichit had shown him plenty of websites and tweets and instagram comments to the contrary, but it was still nearly impossible to believe that anyone found him anything other than ordinary.

“What if I don’t make it to the grand prix final again?”

Phichit shrugged. “Then we try again next year! You almost made it last year, though. Missed it by one point.”

“Don’t remind me.”

Phichit gave Yuuri A Look. “So you’ll get that extra point you need and then some this year! You can do it. I think you can, your fans think you can, Celestino thinks you can. It’s your year!”

Yuuri didn’t want to put too much stock into those words, didn’t want to get his hopes up. But well. He’d already secured silver at Skate America. “I guess I just need to do well enough in France next week to skate by.”

“Pun intended?”

“Just because I know you love them, you dork.”

\---

_in fall we decay_

Yuuri’s gold at the Trophée Éric Bompard was more than enough to secure him a spot at the Grand Prix Final. “I told you so,” was a phrase that came out of Phichit’s mouth more than a few times.

_Can Japan’s Ace Dethrone Figure Skating’s Prince?_

_Katsuki Finally Qualifies for GPF, Delighting Long Time Fans!_

_Does Yuuri Katsuki Have What it Takes? A Look at His Career So Far._

Judging by the headlines in sports magazines and on skating websites, Yuuri couldn’t tell if people were rooting for him or if they were already prepared for him to fail.

“Your fans are so excited, Yuuri, don’t look so glum! They’ve been waiting for you to qualify for the Grand Prix as long as you have!”

“I doubt that.”

“Well they’ve at least been waiting as long as you’ve been skating competitively.”

 _Then what are they going to do when I fail?_ wasn’t something Yuuri asked aloud, but he wondered nonetheless. What would the headlines say if he messed up? How would Phichit manage to stay so positive? Would Celestino even bother to keep training him, knowing his hard work just wasn’t enough to get Yuuri to the next level?

Phichit’s voice snapped Yuuri out of his thoughts. “It’s time for practice, you coming?”

“Um. Tell Celestino I’m sick?”

“I’ll cover for you this time.” Phichit always covered for him. “But you better come over right away if I manage to land that new quad I’ve been learning.”

Phichit didn’t land it. Yuuri didn’t come to practice for a week. The local Burger Kings and Dairy Queens and Pizza Huts saw a steady rise in sales over the next couple weeks while Yuuri waited for the Grand Prix Final to come and take him out of his misery once and for all.

\---

_in winter we die_

“I’m so sorry Yuuri.” Any conversation that started out like that couldn’t be good. “Mari was walking Vicchan and she tried to catch him when he ran off after a bird but…”

Yuuri’s ears were ringing.

“The car tried to stop. The vet did everything he could. We are so, _so_ sorry.”

Yuuri’s mom kept talking. Yuuri heard none of it. He vaguely noticed himself speaking when Mari took the phone, when his dad spoke to him for a few minutes. He didn’t notice when they all bid him goodbye and wished him luck. He didn’t notice when he dropped the phone onto his hotel room floor.

He didn’t bother to go to practice during the day between the short program and the free skate. He was in fourth place as it was. He ignored Celestino’s insistence that he could make up the points in the free skate. He ignored Phichit’s messages of encouragement.

What was the point in any of it anyway?

\---

_and in spring we are born anew_

Yuuri had indeed bombed at the Grand Prix Final, just as the darkest, rudest thoughts at the back of his mind had told him he would.

He’d done even worse at Nationals, completely failing to win back his former title as top skater.

He hadn’t even qualified for Four Continents, let alone Worlds.

His skating career might as well have been over.

And yet…

A calm Yuuri hadn’t felt in weeks, months, washed over him as soon as he moved into the opening position for Stammi Vicino. Maybe his rendition wasn’t as good as Viktor’s, maybe he didn’t have all the same technical skills as Viktor, maybe he’d messed up this entire season and it may as well be his last, maybe he was foolish to think he could make it to Viktor’s level, anywhere near it, maybe…

All those thoughts quieted, replaced instead by the music that existed only in his mind.


End file.
